“It Took a Lot of Effort Not to Be Me” | Peter Marc Jacobson

Peter Marc Jacobson spent nearly 20 years married to Fran Drescher. Their love was real. Their sex life was real. So was his attraction to men. In Episode 7 of the Middle Men Podcast, Peter joins me for a candid conversation about what it was like growing up at a time when the only options seemed to be straight or gay, and spending years trying to make his actual experience fit into one of those boxes. Peter talks about the guilt and constant self-monitoring that came with being attracted to men while loving his wife, telling Fran that he thought he might be bisexual, entering gay spaces for the first time as an adult, living what he describes as “two lives,” and eventually reaching a point where he no longer needed a label to explain the entirety of who he was. We also talk about *The Nanny*, the real-life relationship that inspired *Happily Divorced*, intimacy and dating after his marriage, bisexuality, the pressure men feel to fit neatly into straight or gay categories, and what Peter’s life looks like today — with straight and gay friends, a remarkably close relationship with Fran, and a much greater sense of comfort in his own skin. 📝 READ THE COMPANION ARTICLE “It Took a Lot of Effort Not to Be Me” — Peter Marc Jacobson on loving Fran Drescher, being attracted to men, and the challenge of navigating both at once. https://middlemenwcfc.substack.com/p/it-took-a-lot-of-effort-not-to-be 📱 CONNECT WITH PETER MARC JACOBSON Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/officialpetermarcjacobson/ TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@peterjacobson68 📺 WATCH THE "HAPPILY DIVORCED" EPISODE WE DISCUSS "Torn Between Two Lovetts” — Peter discusses this episode in our conversation, in which Fran and Peter unknowingly become interested in the same man — who turns out to be bisexual. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT8Wvtg0izc ⏱️ CHAPTERS 00:00 Loving Fran while being attracted to men 03:43 Meeting Fran Drescher & their nearly 20-year marriage 07:04 Childhood, family & early feelings of being different 10:53 First attraction to men 13:37 Experimentation, shame & guilt 18:40 Suppressing attraction during the marriage 24:59 “Magical thinking” after the violent crime 32:35 Telling Fran he thought he was bisexual 34:20 Gay, bi & the problem with labels 39:07 Why attraction to men can erase everything else 43:08 Being publicly outed by a tabloid 45:11 Turning their story into *Happily Divorced* 48:32 Bisexuality on *Happily Divorced* 55:03 Entering gay spaces for the first time 57:04 “I was living two lives” 59:42 Emotional vs. physical attraction 1:04:52 Sex, intimacy, connection & getting older 1:07:49 “Call me whatever you want. I’m me.” 1:09:00 Why bisexuality still makes people uncomfortable 1:18:39 What Peter’s life looks like today 1:20:53 Final thoughts 👥 JOIN THE MIDDLE MEN COMMUNITY A private online community for men who don’t fit neatly into straight or gay boxes. https://middlemen-podcast.com/community 📩 MIDDLE MEN NEWSLETTER Articles, new episodes, research and updates: https://middlemen-podcast.com/#newsletter 📱 FOLLOW MIDDLE MEN Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/middlemenwcfc Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/middlemenwcfc TikTok: tiktok.com/@middlemenwcfc X: https://www.x.com/MiddleMenWCFC 🤔 ARE YOU A MIDDLE MAN? Take the anonymous Middle Men survey, and see https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/survey 💸 SUPPORT MIDDLE MEN Donate to support the podcast, online community, and more. Every bit helps — Middle Men is operated by Brendan alone. https://middlemen-podcast.com/donate 🏃 STRAVA CLUB Post your fitness activities, give and get kudos, and connect with other active Middle Men https://www.strava.com/clubs/middlemen 🤳 If this conversation resonates with you, subscribe to Middle Men and share the episode with someone who may need to hear it. #PeterMarcJacobson #unlabeledmen #gaymarriedmen #BisexualMen #Bisexuality